Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
