Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
