Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
