im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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