I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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