just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
