Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
