just come out here and I will go home with you...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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