if i died would you start the facebook group?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
