It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
