corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
