We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
