Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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