i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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