pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
