The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
