I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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