Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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