There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You're like the curious george of whores
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
