does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
