Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Pants are for mortals
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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