I hate all girls vehemently.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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