yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
