he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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