mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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