if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
