she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
