so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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