Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
