somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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