AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
