just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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