he thought i was a dude.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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