Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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