I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
