If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
