I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
