From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
