I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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