I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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