You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize