oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
