they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
