im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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