thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
