I'm going to jail i love you
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
