It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
