Have you finally orgasmed yet?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
