did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
