I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
