and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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