so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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