im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
