Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
