The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
