? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
