i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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