I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
