Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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