Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
