I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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