I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
a search helicopter?!
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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