dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
