Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
