Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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