i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i love accidental penises.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
