is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
did you just send me my own nude
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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