Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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