I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
