dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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