she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
