Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
