You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
