i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
How's work?
Spinning.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
