My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
