Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
