I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
