Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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