Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
