she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
