I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
