no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize