i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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