Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
