Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize