Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
