The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
