used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
