why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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