question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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