plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
