chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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