How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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