I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
