Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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