Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
