i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
