I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
