like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
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