Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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