I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
